Women in the Arena

The Indomitable Spirit of Shirley Buck: A Tale of Triumph over Trials

September 20, 2023 Audra Agen Season 6 Episode 4
Women in the Arena
The Indomitable Spirit of Shirley Buck: A Tale of Triumph over Trials
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Ever wondered how a beacon of hope is born? This week's episode uncovers the inspiring journey of Shirley Buck, a woman who overcame the trauma of an abusive childhood to become a mentor, coach, and soon-to-be author. Her story is one of resilience, a testament to the human spirit’s ability to overcome adversity. As she shares the trials she weathered and the personal growth that followed, Shirley's narrative promises to light a spark of hope for others who may be facing their own struggles.

Step into the heart of life's rough terrains as Shirley recounts her battles with addiction, eating disorders, and tumultuous relationships. She talks about her early years of her childhood spent being the interpreter to her deaf parents, her crusade towards self-improvement, and how she harnessed the power of literature to understand and conquer her fears. Her life's journey is not just a testament to her indomitable will but also serves as a roadmap for others grappling with similar difficulties. 

In a world often characterized by negativity, Shirley's story is a beacon that illuminates the path to positivity and success. She shares her transformational journey and the mindset shift that helped her focus on the silver linings rather than the storm clouds. More than an inspiring tale of personal triumph, Shirley's life imbues listeners with an essential lesson – the power to change lies within us. Get ready to be moved, inspired, and empowered as you join us on this journey with Shirley Buck.


https://www.shirleybuck.com/

Go check out all of our episodes on our website: https://womeninthearena.net/


If you are ready to tell your story or want to refer someone, please email me at audra@womeninthearena.net

***Last thing- I'd love to interview the following women:

  • Joan Jett
  • Dolly Parton
  • Viola Davis
  • Ina Garten

Maybe you can help me get there****


Thank you all for supporting this show and all of the Women in the Arena!!

Audra :

Welcome and everyone, and thank you so much for joining me again this week. This week's guest is a very special individual. My guest this week is Shirley Buck, and she is a survivor of trauma, and this is trauma unlike you have ever experienced. But she is also a survivor from this trauma and she has used her survival, created them into techniques, and now she is a coach and a beacon of light for those that are also experiencing trauma and wanting to walk through to recovery. She comes alongside them and assures them that there is hope on the other side and there is definitely a better way. She is also writing a book on her experience that will be released in the summer of 2023. Her book will serve as a source of inspiration and guidance for anybody who has been struggling through trauma, depression, anxiety or just any kind of difficult situation that you need some help with. It is both my pleasure and my honor to introduce to you Shirley Buck. Shirley, thank you so much for being here and welcome to the show.

Shirley :

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you having me on your show. I'm really excited to be here.

Audra :

I'm very excited for you to be here, and I also appreciate that talking about this type of subject is not easy. Even though you have definitely come to terms with what has occurred in your life, it's still not an easy topic, so I appreciate you being willing to be vulnerable and available for others to learn from your story. So let's start with who is Shirley Buck and what has been your experience?

Shirley :

Well, I was born to two deaf parents. That in itself is a challenge, because you become their ears and their voice at a very early age. I actually interpreted their divorce at five years old. It kind of gives you an example of the kind of life that I was, the role that I played early on in life. My parents' divorce, like I said, took place when I was five and I lived with my mother and saw my father on some weekends. My mother became an abusive alcoholic by the time I was eight years old. She would be gone for days at a time. She would come home drunk. She would hit me until the point of where, until kind of convulsions in my jaw would get locked up, and then she'd be afraid and stop and take me to a hospital. The hospital would like wrap me in these warm blankets and then she was remorseful and sorry and back then they really didn't do much about child abuse. They just sent you on your way back home with your parents. So I went through things that were really difficult with her. There was a time, because she'd be out late at night drinking, that she had been raped and came home and I had to go to the hospital with her. There was another time that she had gotten pregnant and I had to, at 11 years old, go to an abortion clinic with her and interpret everything that had to take place during the abortion. And at the age of 13, she took her life and she tried to take mine as well. She had stabbed herself repeatedly in the stomach and throat and I was trying to stop her. We lived above some neighbors who lived in the basement who were like ringing the doorbell and the doorbells had all these lights that would flicker on and off, because she was deaf and couldn't hear the doorbell and they were trying to break into the door. I broke free, got to the door and they brought me downstairs and called the police, but in the meantime my mother had passed. So again, being a child of deaf parents, I was the one to identify her at the Moor. I was the one to deal with her burial, just pretty much everything that has to take place when a person passes. I moved in with my father, who was recently remarried, and my stepmother didn't want me to eat there or wash my clothes there. She just did not want any part of me and my father would sit down and play the food and she'd take it away and they'd argue and she'd run into the bathroom and lock the door, or the bedroom and lock the door and she just really did not want me around. So my father was kind of torn. But he took her place and I had a half-sister who was seven years younger than me. My father just wanted to make it work between them and make a family, and so it really didn't matter if I came home or I didn't. So I got a job at 13 years old working for a local grocer, and he would pay me $10 a day for eight hours a day and I would come after school, I would use that money to eat out every day and I would save the change and do my laundry at the end of the week. So that guy ended up molesting me for two years. Sometimes you have to understand. The person who is harming you is also sometimes your only friend, and he was a friend to me and, aside for that 15 minutes, he'd take me in the back and as a child I just needed somebody.

Audra :

How old were you when you went to go work for him? At 13?

Shirley :

13, so it was from the ages of 13 to 15.

Audra :

So by 15, you had interpreted your parents' divorce by eight. You were left alone for days taking care of yourself because your mother was absent. You have been to emergency room for being basically beaten to the point of having seizures and then also had to be the interpreter for your mother's care, for her medical care and for her funeral arrangements. This is a lot for 13 and then have to be on your own, basically from 13 to 15, because I'm assuming that the only thing that you did at your father's house was sleep if that was right, I was out late nights with the wrong crowd because those are the only kids that are out way past the time.

Shirley :

Most kids my age would be home. Yeah, I'd gotten into the wrong crowd and I would go home and sleep, and sometimes the door was locked and my little sister would unlock a window for me to get into sleep there. Yeah, and there were times that I was very, very hungry, and that was something I was used to, because my mother would sell our food stamps to get money to buy alcohol. So basically, in my fridge at home was a block of the government cheese they used to give out back then I don't know if they still do Eating at friend's house here and there growing up. So, yeah, that was a lot to endure. And by the time I was 15, there was a regular man who used to come in and play video games and hang out there, and he was 25. So he was quite a bit older than me and we would talk every day and I started to get to trust him and talk to him more and more, and then he was, of course, telling me he was falling in love with me and that he wanted to be my savior and I believed him. So I started dating him and he told me that he was sterile and he could not have children, that I didn't have anything to worry about. Four months later I was pregnant and he was gone. We had actually run away to Florida and nobody even came and looked for me Because my parents were deaf. I told my dad because I knew I was leaving the state and I didn't want the school to be looking for me. So I told my dad that the school wanted to send me to an interpreting school and my dad just had to come in and sign the papers. So when my dad came in, I told the school we were moving and he wanted my transfer papers because he wasn't exactly sure what school we were going to and I interpreted different things that were being said between each other. My dad signed the papers, we got them and I left and nobody even came and looked for me. But four months later I'm pregnant and he kicks me to the curb and I have to call my grandmother to try to get home. My grandmother took me in, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to raise a child at 15 years old and I certainly didn't want my grandmother at the time, who was 75, 76 years old, raising my child. I knew my father wouldn't do it and I'd not that I would even expect him to and I didn't even want that for my child. So I gave him up for adoption. We found each other he will be 40 actually in February and we found each other when he was about 26 years old and he even called me this past Mother's Day and said he loved me, and so we have a good relationship, which is really nice. I'm very blessed. Actually, between all that and even after that, there were addictions I had to overcome, you know, being out partying, drinking and smoking, a lot of pot and eating disorders. I've been everywhere on the scale from 200 pounds to 80 pounds. I was a junior anorexic. My body was feeling. I went through a whole lot of things I needed to overcome in order to start improving my life. I lived everywhere, here and there friends', houses, cars, everything. Until I was about 18 years old, my cousin had gotten me a job at Sloan Valve Company, which eventually became a machinist. I started out as an assembly, on the assembly line, but I was making good money. I actually had health insurance. I traveled from the south side to the north side. I would have to leave at like 4 am because I started at 6 am. But I did it and I saved up money and I got my own apartment at 18 years old and my own car. I knew that I wanted more. I knew that I wanted my life to improve. I still had a long way to go, especially with wrong relationships, but I, through those mistakes, I wanted to improve. I wanted to have a good life. I wanted children one day that I could give a good life to. I just kept studying tools because I didn't go to traditional therapy. I wasn't ever on meds. I didn't want to go that route.

Audra :

Did you have access to it? I mean, there probably wasn't.

Shirley :

There was probably a time that you didn't have access to it, maybe when I had the job and I had medical insurance, but it wasn't something I was thinking about or aware of. No, I really wasn't aware of the possibilities of therapy and going through all that. Yeah, you're right, there was, maybe it was available, but I really wasn't aware of it. I was starting to get my hands on self-help books and, you know, I had a best friend I really cared a lot about. She was my friend since I was like nine years old and she was someone who I kind of protected and wanted to take care of. So that was, that was like the beginning. I also, you know, just I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to be a good example to her and others as well that I cared about. I didn't want to give my son up in vain. If he ever found me again, I wanted to be a success and not give him up in vain and not do anything with my life.

Audra :

Is there a single turning point that you decided this is enough? I need to get my hands around my life and make it intentional.

Shirley :

I think I always wanted better Like I used to dream big. You know, I used to dream about my dream house, my, you know I wanted to be a dancer. I used to always dream big, and music was a big part of me feeling like I wasn't alone, because if there was a sad song about somebody suffering or it, then it it was like, well, if song wouldn't be written if somebody else out there wasn't feeling this too, so music was a way for me to connect. I don't know, even when I was sad, it music just helped me through a lot, and I would dream big, and I think there was always something inside of me that wanted more. I think the turning point, though, was probably getting my own place and my own car, and at the time, I was making a lot of money, so I was partying a lot. Then I was like what do I really want out of life? Do I want to just be partying all the time? Dude, like, I have my own place. None of my friends had their own place, none of my friends had their own car, nobody, you know. So I was responsible, but at the I guess I was responsible probably from always having to take care of my parents, because even if my father needed me, even if I wasn't living there, if I needed, if he needed me to interpret, he'd find me. So I need you for this, or his friends, or. And then I even wrote the rent checks out for my mother and tried to help her figure out the finances, and you know, at a very young age. So I had a sense of responsibility already, I guess, instilled in me, and when I had my own place I was like, okay, I don't want to lose my house, I don't want to lose my or my apartment or my car, I just want to keep improving. I did, and I I. When I was 23, I met my husband. He was a stable guy, he was someone I can look up to. He worked a lot, so he worked. We were gutting our homes, so he, all he did was work or sleep, you know, and it wasn't. There was no interaction between us. It was really starting to fade, even though we really started out strong and we really loved each other and we had two children and I decided I wanted a divorce. So I wanted to raise my children in a positive way and and thank God, their father was always involved in their life and I worked a lot. You know, I worked like three jobs. I put them through private high schools and took them on trips and I think I had to over achieve to to feel like I was in control and I didn't ever want my kids to feel what I felt, feel deprived or feel hungry or any type of abuse or any type of anything that would take away from their self-confidence. I worked a lot but I was present a lot as well. They're they're happy adults, but I guess I always had a reason, whether it was my best friend and then my children. I always wanted, I kept striving to get better, to be better, and I and I, you know, stopped partying probably before I was even 21 and was able to get into the forest and stuff, because I started at 12, you know. So I was already at a young age. I was already past my partying point. I was focused on becoming healthy. I, at 29, was the first time I cried about my mother's death. I, I, I never even grieved her. I just had to keep going to survive. I had to. I couldn't. I guess I was too young to process all of that and my body probably in my mind probably shoved it aside. I started getting into meditation, the laws of attraction, manifestation, you know, the power of positive thinking. I just started with books and started meditating and just started going that direction, and I would just take tools that I from everything that I read. At the age, though, before I married my husband, I was engaged and I did forget to mention this. This was probably the turning point, the real turning point. I had a nervous breakdown. I stopped going to work. Probably I didn't even go to work for like a month. I didn't get out of bed, I couldn't function. I was terrified that I was losing my mind. I would not wish this feeling in anybody. I mean, it was terrifying. It was probably even scarier than the night my mother died. I really thought I was done. I think when I met my husband, I felt safe, like he worked, he was a good provider. He was, he had a good foundation. My mind probably said, okay, I can finally fall apart and let someone else take the reins. And he did. He helped me through that. I think the beginning, the book that really started me, digging me out of that hole, was but there was a book that I could do worksheets on and learn that there was a lot of different types of fears out there. There was a lot of different types of anxiety, depression, and I was able to learn more about what I was actually going through. And once I kind of understood it, then I kind of told myself okay, you're becoming a wife soon, probably a mother. That's why I'm breaking down, that's why I'm having that anxiety, because I don't want to be my mom.

Audra :

If you got married at 23 to your husband.

Shirley :

I met him at 23. I was married at 25.

Audra :

So somewhere between 23 and 25, you had a nervous breakdown. Yes, yes, it's absolutely no surprise as to why your brain finally went. Okay, I need a rest and I need to check out for a while. You had already lived a lifetime, from the time you were five to the time that you were in your early twenties. You lived more life, and not necessarily the good parts, but you lived more life in your very short time of being on earth that your brain simply said okay, I'm full. I need to process all this.

Shirley :

Yes, yes, and it was very scary, but I think that when you talk about a turning point, I think that that may have been the biggest turning point, because I wanted to be healthy. In my mind I wanted to be okay. I didn't want to feel that terror I was feeling I wanted to be healthy mentally, spiritually, physically, if I was going to have children as well. Knew that I wanted to be anything. But my mother, as I got older, I learned more about alcoholism and what she was going through as well, so that helped me understand her and become forgiving as well.

Audra :

So, as you were studying because that's basically what you were doing, as you were healing from your nervous breakdown, and you were in a safe space because you were now with your husband who was taking care of everything, so it was safe it was safe for you to fall apart and you were putting yourself back together by studying and putting what you were learning into action, when was it that you discovered, oh, if anybody can benefit from the trauma in my life and the trial and error of healing from that, if anybody can benefit from that, then that's what I want to do is to. I want to help others survive and thrive on the other side of their trauma, their addiction, their stress, their anxiety, whatever it is that may be holding them back from having a very full life. When was that that you said I need to help them?

Shirley :

I actually was that person, always helping people, and I think after my husband's divorce I started to date people I needed to fix or I had to help. But there was always an understanding that my children have a mother and father. You're not their father. If they do anything or say anything that you don't agree with, you, come to me. You do not address my children. My children were always off limits and my children always knew they were number one. If they didn't like someone, he was gone, period, no questions asked. That's it. Because I never wanted my kids to feel like I felt with my mother and the guys that she brought in. And there was even a man that would come in and rape her once a month and I had to go stay in the bedroom while that happened and he would tell me that if I told anybody he would kill both of us. So I just never wanted my kids to ever have any of that, any experience of any negative someone coming in and feeling like they are threatened. I also dated guys who didn't have their life together. They didn't have. They moved in with me. I didn't that way. My children and I could never lose our home, could never. We weren't moving into someone and they say, okay, you're out. I wanted to stay at home for my children, but in the same sense that I was having long relationships, but with different people. You know, like I'd be in a relationship for two or three years with someone, but you know they're living in my house, they're giving me the bare minimum money to be there, they're pitching in there and I'm trying to save them, and so I think that was always a role that I played. I even became a massage therapist. I have a. I was massage therapist, reiki master. I was always serving, taking care of people. I do plan on writing a book on dating after trauma and abuse as well, because there's a whole pattern there. Thank God that my kids are. They're both married and happy and in spite of all that, they knew they were number one. So but I think when I started to transform into this role as a coach and an author, I had a client when I was a massage therapist who was a psychiatrist for children children that have been abused and she said, yeah, they're broken children, they will never be a part of society, they will never be, they will never be okay, they're broken. And I thought, hmm, and I said well, I, I'm sorry, but I don't agree with you there. I said I told her my story and she said, oh, you're one in a million. That does not happen. These children are not going to make it. I'm already telling you they're not. And and I thought, no, nobody's ever broken. And if you're telling these kids that they're broken now from if they hear this from a doctor, they're not there. You've already labeled them. You've already pushed them in a hole that's going to be even harder to come out of. You're not even encouraging them. So I think that, right, there was like okay, I'm going to go write my book, I'm going to tell people, and I'd love to get my point across to teens, because I believe, like teens are so misunderstood. They just need to know they're okay, they need to know that they're allowed to have feelings and you know, children are always like you, just stop it, you can't feel. That's not okay. So I feel like if teens can learn these tools early in life, it would help them be more productive, confident adults that can use their mindset, change their mindset and look at things differently in a way that will enable them to succeed much easier. That will attract opportunities, open doors for them. Being confident is huge. So anyway, that turning point I think was actually speaking to a psychiatrist made me oh wait a minute, this is not right. So something's wrong in the system. Here I am trying to make a difference.

Audra :

So what tools can you share with us that you'd like to teach teenagers? And specific, because what you're saying is that they need better tools so they can become better adults. Yes, what are the tools that you would like to teach them?

Shirley :

Well, I created a three month course that starts with the basics of changing your mindset. They have weekly lessons with daily activities and then an hour with me every week, but it's basically changing the way you see things. I'll give you like the basics that I'm starting with. I will give you a quick sample. I was driving to work every day after COVID. I was driving into the city to see my clients and the city in I live in Chicago was filthy, filthy, filthy, and it's never it's always been a very clean city, and I would drive the work every day being, ah gosh, I can't stand this. This is just. It would really irritate me every day that I was driving into the city. So then I'm like okay, and this is just a simple example, how can I look at this differently? Because I'm frustrated every day when I'm driving to work. Feeling frustrated is not going to help me there. I believe there's an emotional scale and our emotional scale teaches us what our mind is thinking about. So when you're feeling frustrated, sad, angry, your emotional is telling your body and telling you like your mind you can. If you're in touch with your emotions, you can say wait a minute, I'm not feeling good, what am I thinking about? Oh, when you're more aware of what your thoughts are mostly about, then you'll figure out why you're feeling the way you're feeling. So I was feeling frustrated. So I was like okay, well, how can I look at this differently? Well, there's a beautiful skyline to look at every day when I'm driving. Why am I looking down when I could be looking up? So, look up and see the beauty of the city instead of focusing on the garbage. And it's pretty much the same in life. If you're focusing on the garbage of life, that's what you're going to get more of, because that's the laws of attraction, that is what you will manifest. So when you're focusing more on lack, you're going to get more lack when you're focusing more and not only just focusing, not only just thinking, but feeling. You have to feel, think, breathe good thoughts, your goals, what you really want out of life. You can't just say that's what I really want, but be thinking but I'll never do it or I'm not good enough, or the odds are against me. You really have to change your mindset and change your mind, and I have tools that start you on the basics to start guiding you, and daily activities that help you start looking at different things. Weekly lessons that will tell you be more playful. There's 12 weeks of different lessons. Once you learn to start changing your mindset, even in the very beginning, you will see evidence of things changing. Like, oh well, that went a lot easier than I expected. Oh, wow, I can't believe this happened. Doors do open and it's real. And it's real and I can tell you it's real because, from where I came from to do this and see my life change and the jobs I've gotten and the exposure I've gotten I mean with travel I've been to 11 different countries I mean my life changed drastically just by changing my mindset and it sounds like, oh, that's just too easy, it's simple, but it's not easy, because it does take a little work. But the price you have to pay is being happy, changing your emotions, like doing what you enjoy. So the price you have to pay is being happy. Why wouldn't everyone be doing this? But I have run across people who are just very doubtful and very skeptical and I'm like, hey, they have nothing to lose. Some people won't work through that door. So you really do have to want it and you have to be open-minded and try, just try it, and it really works. It really works.

Audra :

So besides yourself, what is your favorite success story?

Shirley :

Besides myself. What's my favorite success story? Hmm, there's a lot of them out there. I remember reading the book A Child Called it. I don't know if you ever heard about that. I have heard of that. Yes, I think that's one of my favorite success stories, that that book Broke my Heart, made me joyful at the same time because he had overcome such horrible situations and experiences. I was like, yes, there's someone else, there's other people out there that can overcome this and it was helpful in me believing in what I was doing to overcome it. Yeah, it was very inspiring. So I think that that is one of my favorite success stories. I mean, I do admire Helen Keller a lot too. Being blind and deaf, that's huge, that's amazing to me, and the things that she achieved is just amazing. And again, it all comes with mindset. It really does.

Audra :

Have there been any success stories that you were able to personally witness? Maybe it be a teenager in your community or one that you've helped directly.

Shirley :

My house was always filled with kids. Everybody hung out at my house with my kids and I felt like, well, I know where my kids are, so I hope that I touched a lot of lives Then. In that way, my house was always a home that children felt comfortable in. They can come in, they can open the fridge, get food If they were hungry, grab a pop, do whatever they wanted to do. I think I provided a safe, fun place for kids to be. I don't know. One of the things that I admire, like I said, is just watching my daughter be a wonderful mother to my grandkids. It blows my mind to watch her, her patience, her love, her things. She's so focused on being a great mom. It just warms my heart Seeing moms out there that really are involved with their kids, not just on their phones, not like, oh, you're bugging me or go away or you know just that love and understanding and feeling blessed to have kids. I always felt blessed. I never felt burdened. I didn't. Even though I was a single parent, I didn't feel burdened. And again comes with mindset. I would see a mess and think, well, I mean my house could be really clean, but then I wouldn't have my wonderful children. So you know it's some of the things. You just have to change your mindset a little bit and things do. They are different. You know, the way you perceive things can be much different. I remember having parents come up to me. You know I'd be waitressing in the evening for extra money, you know. But when I was putting my kids through private high school, they'd be like how do you achieve these things? We have a two-income household and we can't do it. How do you do it? I don't know. I don't have a budget, I don't look at things. I don't know how I do it, but I don't want to figure it out, because if I sit and focus on, oh, I shouldn't be able to make this work, I'm not going to be able to work. I just think it's going to work and it does, because I learned the tools on how to do it. And I mean I've taken my kids to Hawaii, I've taken them to Wales, you know England things that normally as a single parent you couldn't do. You know, realistically, it didn't, and paper wasn't like I was rich. It wasn't. I never had a bank account filled with money, I didn't even have a savings account, but these things were happening. I really accredited to, like I did the work, the tools to change my mindset, and things do happen. It's not magic, but it's kind of like magic.

Audra :

To answer my question, then I think that, besides yourself, your greatest success stories that you've had witnessed to are probably your children, because now they have been taught from a very young age how to have a different mindset.

Shirley :

Yeah, I get a lump in my throat just thinking about that, yeah, yeah. And now my grandchildren you know, it's just their loves of my life, for sure, for sure. And to see them happy and successful and doing the things that make them happy, and yeah, it definitely warms my heart, yeah.

Audra :

Well, you've changed the trajectory of your entire family. You've changed the narrative of that inherited familial trauma and you've now turned it into success. And now you've changed generations to come. You've already done it with yourself, your children and now your grandchildren and your grandchildren. Since they know these tools and the stories of choosing your mindset, they will pass it on to them. So you're changing an entire lineage for having a choosing a different mindset.

Shirley :

Can I tell you my favorite mindset manifestation that my four year old grandson came up with. Yes, I'll tell you that this is pretty amazing. He we had to go to the pet store. He has a bearded dragon he wanted when he was two years old and it was as big as my thumb, but it's now a big bearded dragon. We had to go get him worms. And on the way to the pet store he said Ma, they call me Ma and they call my daughter Mama. Ma, I can't wait to get a guinea pig. He didn't ask me for a guinea pig, he didn't. He just said I can't wait to get a guinea pig. And I said no, we have a hamster, we have bearded dragons, we have chickens, we have a dog. No, no more animals. But I'd like to encourage his love for animals, obviously, with all these animals. And he said I just can't wait. I said, ma, we're not getting a guinea pig. He said, okay, so he's. We get to the store and he asked me do you have a pen and paper? I said, yeah, I give my four year old grandson a pen and paper. He scribbles on a piece of paper and he gives it to the cashier. And he said could you put this in a guinea pig's cage and tell him it's Dada's going to come get it tomorrow. Okay, so we leave and the next day I pick him up. And I said you know we have to stop back at the pet store because I forgot to get our dog a collar broke. And he said oh, I can't wait to pick up my guinea pig. I said Landon, we're not going to pick up a guinea pig. Oh, it's going to be so fun, ma, you just wait and see. And I said I'm going to make a deal with you, because we were just there the evening before. I said if there is a guinea pig up for adoption, we'll get it, but if there's not, we know we don't talk about getting a guinea pig anymore, okay, and I said deal. He said deal, so we go in. And he, the same cashier, was there and he said did you give my guinea pig the note? And he said yeah, and she laughed and I said you don't have any guinea pigs for adoption, do you? Because one just came in this morning Now, yep, so he has the guinea pig. And little did. We didn't even know it was pregnant. So we ended up with five guinea pigs. But anyway, the moral of that story is he didn't ask me, he didn't cry and be upset because I said no, he just was. He just believed he was going to get this guinea pig Wholeheartedly with his heart. He just believed this guinea pig was coming into his life and he did it with not thinking about the lack of it. He just kept saying I can't wait, I can't wait. And here, and someone brought one in that day, I mean that morning, I mean that's, that's pretty, it's pretty good evidence of my teeth, you know that's pretty amazing evidence.

Audra :

actually, he was gonna get a guinea pig and you know you're gonna.

Shirley :

you thought you were going out.

Audra :

No, no, he was there and you. You thought well, I know, I'll outsmart this for you, yep.

Shirley :

Nope, didn't happen. So now we have a guinea pig as well. So there are. You know, I have a lot of stories like that with myself, and you know that one is my favorite one, because he was just so happy about it. He didn't cry and say, but I really want one, and he just thought I'm gonna get one. I don't know what you're thinking about, but Well, that was my favorite story so far too.

Audra :

I love that one I'm. That should be everybody's blueprint for life. I'm just going to read it.

Shirley :

Yep, and and and. That's really what I do. And there are times that I even struggle with it and I go back to the basics of my workshop. I mean my, my course. I go right back to the basics, like, okay, I'm, I'm doubting this, I'm, you know, I'm starting a whole new, I'm like a whole new career here. And I was just like sometimes I'm like, oh, can I do this, can I? And then I'm like, okay, I can't come from a place of lack or doubt and expect things to happen. I just have to move forward, believing and knowing that my purpose and my heart is truly to help other people. Just let the universe take its course, you know.

Audra :

So you're writing a book.

Shirley :

Yes, I wrote the book. It's done. It's in the publisher's hands.

Audra :

Yes, so it's going through its motions with the publisher and you expect it to be out in the summer 2023, August. Yes, when the book is ready to publish, we will make sure that we do an announcement of your book, thank you. Thank you so much, and that everybody knows to go look for it, because I know that there's a working title. There's not an actual official title yet, otherwise I would tell you guys, but once I get the actual official title, we'll do an announcement that your book is launched. You know. You said that you have launched a course, you have coaching clients. If the audience is listening and saying, you know what? I want to know more. I may not exactly understand this positive mindset, I may not necessarily truly believe in it, but I'm curious how would they connect with you?

Shirley :

They could go to my website, which is ShirleyBuckcom, so that's pretty easy and they could also reach me at healingcoach at ShirleyBuckcom.

Audra :

If they want more information. Is there information on your website about your courses and information in general?

Shirley :

Yes, the information on my courses is there, and there's also a link on a calendar where they can book a discovery call with me.

Audra :

Wonderful. I encourage everybody to do that. Shirley is this incredible, positive woman. She is successful in her own right and she is lovely to talk to. So I encourage everybody to do that. Shirley, I want to give you a moment, just you and the audience, without me interrupting. So the floor is yours.

Shirley :

I actually just want to say thank you for tuning in and listening to my story. I just really would love to be of service to anyone who wants to learn, and you don't even have to necessarily have been through trauma and abuse. Just get over any setbacks or adversities you may have or maybe facing. Your life can change and it will change. If you change your mind, you can change your life. I know it sounds cliche, but it's real. It's real.

Audra :

Thank you, shirley, for your vulnerability and sharing your incredibly personal story with us and being an example and encouragement for others that may be going through their own trauma or just having a hard time getting out of their own way. So thank you for being here and thank you for having me. It has been my pleasure Absolutely, and thank you to all of you for once again tuning in, and we'll see you again next time.

Surviving Trauma
Overcoming Addictions, Pursuing a Better Life
Personal Transformation and Helping Others
Changing Mindset for Success
Transforming Mindset and Changing Generations